Stand or Hide, It’s Up To You

Dear Loving Family - Fearing Your Own Bisexuality

Bisexuals in Vancouver had our bi-monthly Wednesday night Meetup this week. It was a powerful, highly-charged evening where all those who attended got to play out two very strong currents running in each of our heads: stand or hide. Here is a letter I wrote in response: Dear Loving Family Member, I have not told you Who I Am because I already know that you won’t be able to love me if you really knew. I already know (and am living with the reality that) you would see me as a lesser person because of it, and I don’t want…

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Open Communication Means Being Able to Hear Without Judgment

Say Yes!

Open, honest communication is often cited as the key ingredient in a successful relationship. We all want our partners to be truthful and authentic with us, to share in the good times and be there as support when the going gets tough, wanting to know each other’s deepest, darkest fears, wants, desires. Or do we? The element which most of us overlook when lauding the benefits of open communication is the hearing part: are you really ready to hear what your partner is thinking? “My partner would never understand,” is the phrase I hear the most when working with people…

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Bisexual Husband? What do I do now?

Bisexual Husband? What do I do now?

I am pleased to offer an insightful article from my partner, Lianna Walden. People are often curious about her side of the story. I think this is very helpful for those dealing with their partner’s coming out.   When my husband told me that he was bisexual, I was shocked: he revealed that he had experimented behind my back and it was with men. What did this mean for me? The husband I thought I knew completely changed before my very eyes. Suddenly everything about our marriage, our relationship, our sex life and our friendship was put into question. I…

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How to Support Your Bisexual Husband, Wife, Partner

How to Support Your Bisexual Husband, Wife, Spouse

“I think my husband may be bisexual. What do I do?” “My wife has recently admitted she is bisexual. Does this mean she’ll leave me?” I get many letters from all kinds of people – gay, straight, men, women, and everything in between – who suspect their husbands, wives, partners may be secretly bisexual, or have discovered that they are bisexual. What can you do as a spouse or partner to help your bisexual mate? The first thing is to understand that bisexuality is not a death sentence. It need not be a relationship-ending fork in the road. Nor does…

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The Only Sex Tip Every Man Needs

photo by anneschaar

    Don’t cum. That’s it. That’s all you need to know: how to control your ejaculation. Why is this so vital? In order to move into deeper realms of sexual experience – for both you and her – you, the guy, have to be able to prolong that experience. It takes men some time to cool off enough to really get going; and it takes women a while to warm up enough to really get going. It’s when we meet somewhere in between that the real sparks begin to fly. My wife claims that it takes a good two…

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NYT: The “Science” Behind Bisexuality? Thanks, but no thanks

Bisexual Married Man - I Exist

Here’s a recap of the firestorm of bisexual news which began on 23 March, when the New York Times Magazine ran a big cover story on bisexuality: “The Scientific Quest to Prove Bisexuality Exists“, and in particular, male bisexuality. The title alone infers that there is doubt. Once again the burden is on bisexuals to prove their existence in the face of those who doubt us. Researchers and other truthers seem to be comfortable with women being bisexual. But men? It’s not possible. I know in five or ten years we’ll all look back at his silliness and laugh, but…

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The High Cost of Biphobia on Bisexuals’ Well-being

Bisexual often feel alone and isolated

 I’ve been reading a number of fairly recent studies on bisexuality from around the world (links below). They all have similar, disconcerting findings and draw similar conclusions about the mental and physical well-being of bisexuals: - we have substantially higher rates of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidality than all the other common sexual orientations - we have the lowest rate of satisfactory encounters with counsellors and healthcare providers - there are very few service providers who understand the specific needs of bisexuals – even among LGBT-specific providers - we have higher rates of smoking, excessive drinking/drug taking, and even…

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Should I tell my wife I’m bisexual?

How do I tell my wife I'm bisexual?

I get many email from men asking me, “Should I tell my wife I’m bisexual?”, or “How do I tell my wife I’m bisexual?” I also get email from men who have told their wives they are bisexual (see this post). I will address the topic of coming out to your wife as a bisexual man in this post. It’s been nearly five years since I drove my wife up to the top of a local mountain, parked on the side of the deserted road, and told her I am bisexual and that I’d been “experimenting” with men behind her…

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The Georgia Straight Interview: Bisexuality and open relationships: transcending myths of monogamy and monosexuality

The Georgia Straight Interview: Bisexuality and open relationships: transcending myths of monogamy and monosexuality

I’d like to thank Craig Takeuchi for using the word “monosexual” in the title of his interview of me, which appears in this week’s Georgia Straight. It’s a term I’ve coined in the past few weeks (anyone else know of its usage?) as I was writing an article on the reasons why so few people are willing to identify as bisexual. Monosexuality refers to those who are only able to be sexually attracted to one sex. Craig did a great job. I entreat you to read it. The article was posted on 5 February, 2014.

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NYT: Tom Daley Ignites the “Great LGBT Debate”. Really? It’s 2014!

I am a bisexual man

It took me a few days to read the 3 January, 2014 New York Times article entitled, Bisexual: A Label With Layers, Tom Daley Comes Out as Bisexual, Igniting L.G.B.T. Debate. I’d quickly scanned the article at first and could see that writer Michael Schulman did an admirable job highlighting the full spectrum of our current cultural biphobia and bidenial, which is what caused me such distress and made the article so difficult to read. Mr. Schulman begins by questioning Tom’s motives for coming out: “Was it a disclaimer? A cop-out? A ploy to hold on to fans? Was he…

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Bisexuals Struggle for Identity Within a Gay & Lesbian (and Trans) World

Please start to recognize the bisexuality exists!

I spent the final month of 2013 baffled by the incredulity, omission, and invisibility of bisexuality, and as such I have resolved that 2014 will be a year of Bisexual Visibility. I urge you, my fellow bisexuals (and those who love us), to join me. In the month of December I had the great pleasure of publishing and promoting my new book, “Confessions of a Bisexual Husband“. It was then that bisexual invisibility really hit home. When I tried to upload my book on Amazon, the only category heading even close to “Bisexuality” was “Gay and Lesbian”. Site after site…

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