Non-Monogamy and Feelings of Loss, Depression, Personal Failure

Non-Monogamy + Feelings of Despair, Depression, Loss

When the topic of non-monogamy is broached in a relationship which was originally predicated upon monogamy (as is often the case with newly-discovered or uncovered bisexual desire), it can bring about the same kinds of strong emotional responses usually associated with breaking-up and ending a relationship, although this is not what is being proposed. Depression, loss, self-loathing, anger, jealousy, devastation and feeling as if the whole world has come undone are often experienced. These feelings can come about even if nothing has happened and no one has “cheated” on their agreement. The response is even more pronounced when non-monogamous behaviour…

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Why Do They Lie About Being Bisexual?

Shame is at the heart of bisexual denial

Shame. Unremitting, soul-crushing shame. Shame lies at the heart of every secret bisexual desire, thought, encounter. Shame keeps us from talking, sharing, and being authentic with our loved ones. Shame stifles our ability to have close, intimate connections. Shame motivates us toward harmful, hurtful acts. Shame tears us apart inside and leaves room for little else other than devastating self-loathing. Bisexuals are deeply ashamed of Who We Really Are, sickened by our own desires, our own selves. It is one thing to act shamefully, but quite another entirely when one’s very nature is shameful. It is because of this shame…

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Authenticity is Your Only Hope for Bisexual Relationship Bliss

Authenticity is the key to bisexual relationship bliss

“If I told you things I did before, told you how I used to be Would you go along with someone like me If you knew my story word for word, had all of my history Would you go along with someone like me” Lyrics from “Young folks“, by Peter Bjorn and John The reason so many bisexuals hide their true desires, thoughts, feelings is because they believe their authentic self-expression will ruin any chance they have of finding a loving, strong, heathy, sustainable relationship. Many bisexuals firmly believe that the answer to the above questions posed by Peter Bjorn…

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Maintaining Balance in Open Relationships

Bisexual husband, bisexual wife, bisexual partner, open relationship, polyamory

Negotiating the politics of sexual and/or emotional relationships and experiences outside of one’s primary partnership is an ongoing process in open relationships. Desire, connection, circumstance are all in a constant state of flux. Couples make attempts at mitigating the unpredictable nature of having the ability to embark upon a sexual or emotional connection with others by making rules, setting up boundaries, and keeping things within comfortable limits. The problem with these limitations is that they are made from the stand-point of Here and Now: who you are in this moment; what your current fears are and what your current comfort…

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How to Support Your Bisexual Husband, Wife, Partner

How to Support Your Bisexual Husband, Wife, Spouse

“I think my husband may be bisexual. What do I do?” “My wife has recently admitted she is bisexual. Does this mean she’ll leave me?” I get many letters from all kinds of people – gay, straight, men, women, and everything in between – who suspect their husbands, wives, partners may be secretly bisexual, or have discovered that they are bisexual. What can you do as a spouse or partner to help your bisexual mate? The first thing is to understand that bisexuality is not a death sentence. It need not be a relationship-ending fork in the road. Nor does…

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Open Communication Means Being Able to Hear Without Judgment

Say Yes!

Open, honest communication is often cited as the key ingredient in a successful relationship. We all want our partners to be truthful and authentic with us, to share in the good times and be there as support when the going gets tough, wanting to know each other’s deepest, darkest fears, wants, desires. Or do we? The element which most of us overlook when lauding the benefits of open communication is the hearing part: are you really ready to hear what your partner is thinking? “My partner would never understand,” is the phrase I hear the most when working with people…

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The High Cost of Biphobia on Bisexuals’ Well-being

Bisexual often feel alone and isolated

 I’ve been reading a number of fairly recent studies on bisexuality from around the world (links below). They all have similar, disconcerting findings and draw similar conclusions about the mental and physical well-being of bisexuals: - we have substantially higher rates of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidality than all the other common sexual orientations - we have the lowest rate of satisfactory encounters with counsellors and healthcare providers - there are very few service providers who understand the specific needs of bisexuals – even among LGBT-specific providers - we have higher rates of smoking, excessive drinking/drug taking, and even…

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Bisexual Husband? What do I do now?

Bisexual Husband? What do I do now?

I am pleased to offer an insightful article from my partner, Lianna Walden. People are often curious about her side of the story. I think this is very helpful for those dealing with their partner’s coming out.   When my husband told me that he was bisexual, I was shocked: he revealed that he had experimented behind my back and it was with men. What did this mean for me? The husband I thought I knew completely changed before my very eyes. Suddenly everything about our marriage, our relationship, our sex life and our friendship was put into question. I…

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Stand or Hide, It’s Up To You

Dear Loving Family - Fearing Your Own Bisexuality

Bisexuals in Vancouver had our bi-monthly Wednesday night Meetup this week. It was a powerful, highly-charged evening where all those who attended got to play out two very strong currents running in each of our heads: stand or hide. Here is a letter I wrote in response: Dear Loving Family Member, I have not told you Who I Am because I already know that you won’t be able to love me if you really knew. I already know (and am living with the reality that) you would see me as a lesser person because of it, and I don’t want…

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The Only Sex Tip Every Man Needs

photo by anneschaar

    Don’t cum. That’s it. That’s all you need to know: how to control your ejaculation. Why is this so vital? In order to move into deeper realms of sexual experience – for both you and her – you, the guy, have to be able to prolong that experience. It takes men some time to cool off enough to really get going; and it takes women a while to warm up enough to really get going. It’s when we meet somewhere in between that the real sparks begin to fly. My wife claims that it takes a good two…

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NYT: The “Science” Behind Bisexuality? Thanks, but no thanks

Bisexual Married Man - I Exist

Here’s a recap of the firestorm of bisexual news which began on 23 March, when the New York Times Magazine ran a big cover story on bisexuality: “The Scientific Quest to Prove Bisexuality Exists“, and in particular, male bisexuality. The title alone infers that there is doubt. Once again the burden is on bisexuals to prove their existence in the face of those who doubt us. Researchers and other truthers seem to be comfortable with women being bisexual. But men? It’s not possible. I know in five or ten years we’ll all look back at his silliness and laugh, but…

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