Biphobia: Doubting the “B” in “LGBT”

Biphobia After performing my one-man show, “Bi, Hung, Fit… and Married”, at the Queer Arts Festival in Vancouver during the summer of 2013, my wife and I held Q&A sessions to discuss non-monogamy, bisexuality, and our open relationship. I delve into my life-long struggle with my sexual orientation during the show, where I come to accept the fact that I am indeed bisexual.

During one Q&A after the show, an older gay male posed the question: “So you believe that bisexuality is real and it exists?” This, after having spent an hour depicting the steps which led me to openly identifying as bisexual.

I was floored. All I could think was, I’m sitting here in front of you telling you I’m bisexual, and yet you still doubt this. What more can I say that will convince you? I simply answered, “Yes. Bisexuality is real and is its own sexual orientation.”

I’d just rocked his world. My wife of 19 years was right next to me. The show depicts a variety of experiences from our adventurous and fulfilling sex life together: we are not living a sexless lie. And I freely acknowledge my attraction to men as well. But still, his incredulity persisted even though I sat 20 feet from him.

For many it is confounding to believe that a person can be attracted to both men and women, whereas I try to understand how it is possible that one cannot feel some attraction for either sex. How can people be so closed off? I love women, but let’s face it, Rafa Nadal is hot!

During my many ongong discussions with my fellow bisexuals I’ve heard numerous stories of biphobia: gay males being abandonned by friends for admitting they are also attracted to women; gay women being shunned for not being a “pure lesbian” (their words).

Straight people see us as queer, and queer people see us as fearful liars not willing to commit to the cause.

“Somewhere in between” is part of the bisexual dilemma, and people don’t like it. We live in a binary world, and as trans folks know all too well, people have difficulty accepting that you’re not a 1 or a 0.

And then the most ironic twist of all twists occurred to me during the summer: I found that there were bisexual groups which didn’t want to promote my show because I spoke about non-monogamy. These groups were all about standing up to the accusation that bisexuals cannot be monogamous because of the duality of their desire, and my show posits non-monogamy as an option.

This is itself a kind of binary: single or married; monogamous or non-monogamous.

“Your show would be better suited to the polyamorous crowd, or maybe swingers,” the bi group said.

viagra online order These will also aid men to have stronger erections during intercourse. These foods help tadalafil for women in excess stomach acid formation. It generika levitra includes the component of Sildenafil citrate. The user can make arrangements such as consuming on empty stomach as it helps to completely provide higher benefit of the pharmacy viagra prices medicine and results into a new life of renewed hope and energy with these drug rehab programs. That’s funny. Swingers are notoriously sexist in their view of bisexuality: it is highly desirable in women, who are known as “unicorns” because single bisexual women are so in demand and yet so hard to find; whereas male bisexuality is met with the kind of homophobia one associates with the Westboro Baptist Church.

The reason for this is simple: straight guys love the idea of a threesome with two women, and if they can watch some hot lesbo action as part of their session, well that’s even hotter! As long as the women aren’t gay, thus denying them access.

The polyamorous groups didn’t want to promote my show as they were trying to represent themselves as being both straight and monogamous: “We’re a family group. Your show talks about bisexuality and open relationships. Why don’t you try some of the bisexual groups?” they suggested.

Bisexuals are seen as faking it, playing games, opportunistic. Such accusations have been laid at Lady Gaga, who maintains she’s always been bisexual, but her detractors claim she’s just trying to get in with the LGBT crowd.

There are bisexuals who acknowledge their attraction to both sexes, but who are comfortable in monogamous relationships with either, the love connection being the most important aspect to their sexuality. There are bisexuals who have never had sex with their own sex, but who still identify as bi.

Then there are bisexuals like me, who feel a desire for both sexes and who are not willing to repress this desire for the benefit of monogamy – as if that’s a benefit.

Most people are not binary. The few on either end of the gay/straight spectrum are far outnumbered by everyone else in between. I’ve met “gay” guys interested in pussy and “straight” guys looking to suck cock – secretly of course.

My father is gay, although he’d been married to my mother for enough time to have me (two years). His partner has two grown kids of his own, leaving his wife for my father after 25 years of heterosexual monogamy. When I asked him if he missed being with a woman, he looked at me and flatly replied: “No.”

“Not even a bit? You never think about pussy ever?” I pressed. It seemed to me that if he could have a 25 year relationship which included sex with a woman, he would be inclined to identify as bisexual. But no. He’s gay now. Period.

Biphobia is an attempt at making life clean and neat – something it most certainly is not. Our sexuality grows and shifts and changes all the way through the life cycle. I believe it’s important to allow ourselves to explore a variety of sexual experiences as they arise within us – between consenting adults and peer groups.

We are beginning to learn that human binaries do not exist, that we are in fact multi-dimensional, capable of a greater fluidity than previously allowed. Acknowledging bisexuality, or non-duality, is a step toward opening to the full range of possibilities within all of us.

Facebooktwitterredditmail

16 thoughts on “Biphobia: Doubting the “B” in “LGBT”

  1. I really enjoyed this article, am attracted to both genders myself but haven’t determined a label yet… I like bisexuality being remembered!! 🙂
    Thank you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *