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	<title>Mark Bentley Cohen</title>
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	<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com</link>
	<description>You create your own reality</description>
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		<title>Stepping out beyond the guideposts</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/stepping-out-beyond-the-guideposts/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/stepping-out-beyond-the-guideposts/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:33:01 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=306</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There are times &#8211; especially while travelling &#8211; when I wake up in the blackness of night and, for a few moments anyhow, I have no idea where I am: I don&#8217;t know what city I&#8217;m in; who&#8217;s in bed with me; where I&#8217;m sleeping (top of a bunk? on a ship? ). Sometimes I&#8217;m not even sure what my life situation is: am I married? Do I have kids? Where do I work? My mind instantly starts reeling to pick up the slightest clue: Oh yeah, I&#8217;m married. We&#8217;re in Barcelona. I have two kids. These episodes used to scare me, until I began to appreciate that tiny space of having no context whatsoever. I began to wonder who &#8220;I&#8221; would be without my context. What do I know about myself when I strip away all the externals? What&#8217;s left? After that, whenever I awoke to find myself in that state I&#8217;d try to stave off remembering in an attempt to just float in vast emptiness for as long as possible. It was difficult to do, my mind sifting through data against my will until I was put back in place. Our egos like to feel as if we [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Coming out to my wife</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/coming-out-to-my-wife/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/coming-out-to-my-wife/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Feb 2013 01:44:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>MazingManda</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=298</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[After 15 years of marriage, I drove my wife up to a local mountain, parked on the side of the road, and came clean: I’d been fooling around with men behind her back, and after a lifetime of grappling with my sexuality, had come to accept the fact that I am bisexual. “Our marriage is over,” I told her. “At the very least it’s over in the way it used to be – which is a good thing, because I’m not very happy, and I don’t think you are either.” The experimentation had gone on for a couple of years. I’d had relations with half a dozen or so guys (always safe). I had quickly discovered the lively, burgeoning world of secretly bisexual married men – most of whom are in their 40s when they get enough courage to step out. My gay father had always told me how many married guys he’d meet at the bars – and now, I was one of them. When I made the decision to sleep with a guy behind my wife’s back, I also decided I’d never tell a living soul about it. Ever. Of this I was certain. But there I was, [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Mark + Lianna are part of &#8220;Sex Talk in the City&#8221;!</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/mark-lianna-are-part-of-sex-talk-in-the-city/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/mark-lianna-are-part-of-sex-talk-in-the-city/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:22:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=289</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Mark + Lianna in front of their &#8220;Drawer&#8221; at the Museum of Vancouver&#8217;s new exhibit, Sex Talk in The City. Thanks to @maurice for the photo! Mark + Lianna&#8217;s experiences with their open relationship are explored in the exhibit&#8217;s Wall of Drawers, where visitors cannot help but feel like a kid snooping in their parents&#8217; room as they make their way along the wall, wondering what kind of secrets await as they furtively peak within. Three quotes from Mark&#8217;s play, &#8220;Bi, Hung, Fit and Married&#8221; are part of the Quote Wall, which greets visitors as they enter the exhibit space, setting the tone for the content within: &#8220;No matter how well you know someone, you never really know what they do for sex.&#8221; &#8220;The first layer of intimacy is to be intimate with oneself.&#8221; &#8220;And then one day it hit me: I&#8217;m living in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship, when in fact, I&#8217;m neither.&#8221; From the MOV website: Sex Talk in the City is a multifaceted exhibition that teases out how people in Vancouver learn about sexuality, define pleasure, and respond to particular politics. Sex isn’t only biological, it’s cultural. Sex Talk in the City addresses issues of sexual expression, diversity, [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Queer U: New Forms of Gender, Sexual Identity + Expression</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/new-forms-of-gender-sexual-identity-expression/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/new-forms-of-gender-sexual-identity-expression/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:13:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=279</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I had the pleasure of attending &#8220;Queer U: Fluidity in Identity&#8221; at UBC this past Saturday. Queer U was the final event in a week of queer events for UBC&#8217;s Outweek 2013. Fluidity in identity is a favourite theme of mine. In particular sexual identity. I&#8217;ve witnessed my own movement through different sexual desires, orientations, and experiences throughout my life. I&#8217;ve written about this before, in relation to long term partnerships and marriages, and how it is necessary to have some leeway for sexual exploration within these unions. Sexual identity is not necessarily stamped on one&#8217;s head at birth. For many, it is a moving target with no clear definition. This has become ever more evident over the past few weeks, as I&#8217;ve had the pleasure of meeting a few trans people &#8211; especially trans 20-somethings. I&#8217;ve been blow away by their eloquent dialogue and self-awareness. An entire vocabulary is being built-up around the concept of self, gender, sexual orientation and expression. Queer U was an opportunity to learn about the latest academic views and thought on these issues. The day was divided into four topics &#8211; Family, Education, Community, Art &#8211; in relation to gender and sexuality. There were [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Commentary: A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/commentary-a-million-first-dates-how-online-romance-is-threatening-monogamy/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/commentary-a-million-first-dates-how-online-romance-is-threatening-monogamy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:11:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=264</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There has been a lot of talk about the recent article published in &#8220;The Atlantic&#8221;, entitled &#8220;A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy&#8220;, by Dan Slater. The article, like society itself, is rife with all kinds of erroneous, half-baked assumptions about monogamy, and relationships in general. &#8220;Mate scarcity also plays an important role in people’s relationship decisions. &#8216;Look, if I lived in Iowa, I’d be married with four children by now,&#8217; says Blatt, a 40‑something bachelor in Manhattan. &#8216;That’s just how it is.&#8217;&#8221; Thank you Mr. Blatt. The premise is that online dating makes it so easy to meet compatible people, that singles are not as likely to settle down, and is therefore ruining monogamy. Yeesh. The article revolves around the experiences of one 30-something guy, who states about a pretty young woman who leaves him after two years of living together: &#8220;I&#8217;m about 95 percent certain that if I’d met Rachel offline, and if I’d never done online dating, I would’ve married her.&#8221; Yeah. And if my grandmother had balls&#8230;. The article smacks of the &#8220;fast food is making me fat!&#8221; kind of thinking. If it weren&#8217;t for online dating, I&#8217;d have settled long ago. Well, [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/commentary-a-million-first-dates-how-online-romance-is-threatening-monogamy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>Finnish film, &#8220;Steam of Life&#8221;: simple, powerful, revealing, refreshing</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/finnish-film-steam-of-life-simple-powerful-revealing-refreshing/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/finnish-film-steam-of-life-simple-powerful-revealing-refreshing/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 Dec 2012 23:34:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=261</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to see the Finnish documentary last night, &#8220;Steam of Life&#8221;. http://www.nordiskfilmogtvfond.com/index.php?ptid=3&#038;sid=92 It was very moving. Men sharing their deepest emotional experiences with other men, or sometimes just the camera, in a sauna. The film is beautifully shot, highlighting the stark Finnish landscape &#8211; and apparently the Finnish obsession with saunas. There was an old car in the middle of a field which had been turned into a sauna; a camper trailer; a telephone booth; a tee-pee, and then the standard saunas in houses and backyards. Every city and town seems to have a sauna, and everyone can afford to treat themselves to a steam &#8211; even a man who was sleeping on bathroom floors. But the most remarkable part of the movie was the stories these men told, and for the most part, the pain they carried around with them. One man had been banished from his home and was no longer allowed to see his child &#8211; a pain which had caused him to escape to the north where he lived in the woods and drank heavily. Eventually we find out his daughter is also is step-sister. The stories are uniquely male &#8211; a military man coming [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>James Bond is Bisexual!</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/james-bond-is-bisexual/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/james-bond-is-bisexual/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 Dec 2012 23:01:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=259</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It was with a loud holler that I welcomed the news that James Bond is bisexual &#8211; or at least man enough to allude to the possibility. During the &#8220;torture&#8221; scene with Raoul Silva, Bond is subjected to Silva&#8217;s sensual touch. &#8220;There&#8217;s always a first time.&#8221; says Silva, as he asserts that there was nothing in Bond&#8217;s training to cover being confronted by the touch of another man. To which Bond replies, &#8220;What makes you think this is my first time.&#8221; WAHOOO!!! James Bond stating he may have had sexual relations with another man &#8211; without blinking an eye! People, this is big. This is a victory for all mankind, men, and people in general. In the days of Sean Connery, the writers would not even have mentioned anything about sexuality &#8211; unless it was in reference to women &#8211; let alone bisexuality or homosexuality. It was interesting to see how my straight friends reacted to my statement that Bond is bi: &#8220;He was just joking!&#8221; they screamed, fearful of losing Bond&#8217;s heterosexuality. Well, I put Bond&#8217;s statement right back to them: what makes you think it&#8217;s his first time? How do you know? Fact is we don&#8217;t. But we [...]]]></description>
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		<title>I&#8217;ve been asked to mention the pitfalls of opening up a relationship</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/ive-been-asked-to-mention-the-pitfalls-of-opening-up-a-relationship/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/ive-been-asked-to-mention-the-pitfalls-of-opening-up-a-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Nov 2012 21:05:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=201</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I recently had a conversation with a woman who had attended my workshop on open relationships. She said she was bursting during the workshop, wanting to interrupt me while I sang the virtues of opening up. She wanted to let everyone know how difficult it is and how many couples simply fall apart during the process. My own experience with opening up has been all positive &#8211; and overwhelmingly so, which is how I approach the subject: it saved our marriage. We both felt liberated, which was a welcomed relief. We began to appreciate each other again. Knowing that someone else could come along with offers of romance and passion motivated us to give each other those kinds of experiences &#8211; something we&#8217;d forgotten about. If I were going to woo my wife, what would I do? I started to buy her flowers again, arrange romantic getaways, bring her spontaneous presents. I wanted to be her #1 suitor! We began sharing in exciting sexual adventures together, which engendered a feeling of complicity between us. We also had a lot of fun on these adventures. We became more honest with each other. I&#8217;d opened up to my partner about being bisexual, [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<title>Open Relationships Acknowledge Our Multidimensionality</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/open-relationships-acknowledge-our-multidimensionality/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/open-relationships-acknowledge-our-multidimensionality/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 31 Oct 2012 21:40:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=195</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We used to believe that once a person became an adult and got married (something all people wanted to do), that was it. The process of &#8220;becoming&#8221; had ended, and now the rest of one&#8217;s life was about simply continuing on as a completed self. Women became mothers and wives; men became fathers and husbands. They grew old as such and died surrounded by a large, loving family. These ideas no longer work for us &#8211; and probably never have. We are now more willing to acknowledge that the process of &#8220;Individuation&#8221; &#8211; of becoming &#8211; continues on. For those couples who come together with the idea of raising children, there is a distinct transition which begins when the children hit their early teens, becoming more autonomous: the parental roles are diminished, leaving a void. Confusion ensues, as we once again begin to question who we are and what we want. There is a temptation to go back to who we were before kids; however, we are no longer those people, and therefore no longer that couple. This then begs the question: &#8220;Who am I, and who are you, my partner, and what are we together, in light of this [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Another bisexual man comes out to his wife&#8230;.</title>
		<link>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/another-bisexual-man-comes-out-to-his-wife/</link>
		<comments>http://www.markbentleycohen.com/another-bisexual-man-comes-out-to-his-wife/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Sep 2012 16:47:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.markbentleycohen.com/?p=185</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This is a recent email exchange with a bisexual man with questions about coming out to his wife. Mark, I just was looking on Reddit and someone had posted your website as a source of information. I will have to say it is good to see someone being very helpful to individuals who may have issues with bisexuality, being sadly there are so few out there. My name is Steve and I have been married for almost three years now and decided to tell my wife approx. 4 months ago that I was bisexual. She is actually the first person I ever directly told, not because I was ashamed or scared but simply because the situation where I could be with the same sex never came up. This is because I have always just met women that I liked and usually had somewhat long term relationships with them and also I do not exhibit any of the stereotypical bisexual and homosexual behavior or tendencies that society has come to expect. In fact most people have said I exhibit the exact opposite and they would have never thought I was anything but straight. So since I have been more open about [...]]]></description>
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