Biphobia: Doubting the “B” in “LGBT”

Biphobia

After performing my one-man show, “Bi, Hung, Fit… and Married”, at the Queer Arts Festival in Vancouver during the summer of 2013, my wife and I held Q&A sessions to discuss non-monogamy, bisexuality, and our open relationship. I delve into my life-long struggle with my sexual orientation during the show, where I come to accept the fact that I am indeed bisexual. During one Q&A after the show, an older gay male posed the question: “So you believe that bisexuality is real and it exists?” This, after having spent an hour depicting the steps which led me to openly identifying…

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Should I tell my wife I’m bisexual?

How do I tell my wife I'm bisexual?

I get many email from men asking me, “Should I tell my wife I’m bisexual?”, or “How do I tell my wife I’m bisexual?” I also get email from men who have told their wives they are bisexual (see this post). I will address the topic of coming out to your wife as a bisexual man in this post. It’s been nearly five years since I drove my wife up to the top of a local mountain, parked on the side of the deserted road, and told her I am bisexual and that I’d been “experimenting” with men behind her…

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Self-Acceptance in Bisexuals

Self Acceptance Blues

Why is it we have such difficulty accepting our own sexual desires? In a recent BiFocus meeting we discussed the issue of self-acceptance and coming to terms with desire for both sexes. I asked if it would make a difference if we lived in a world where it was completely acceptable to appear with a male partner one day and a female partner the next. There was no judgment placed upon this type of behaviour. Would it end the confusion? The answer was “No”. It’s not so much about external acceptance as internal: how we feel about our own desire.…

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My Tantric Orgasm

twogodsfckng_wrkd

I had a tantric orgasm last night. I call it a tantric orgasm because I had an orgasm without ejaculating. I’m not a tantric sex practioner, and have little more than a cursory knowledge of the subject. I do know quite a bit about orgasm retention though. Please read my post “The Only Sex Tip Every Man Needs”, about the importance of learning to control your ejaculation. Unlike tantric practioners, I believe it’s important for men to ejaculate on a regular basis. This contributes to prostate health, and keeps the system flowing. It’s also an excellent stress relief, emptying the…

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Adventures in Marriage

Riding adventure, Dahab, Egypt

Marriage is serious. We are talking about two people locked into a commitment with legal, moral, social, spiritual and sexual ramifications, for the remainder of their lives. This is a weighty proposition. A heavy load to carry for 40, 50, 60 years. It’s no wonder that most of us don’t make it. My wife and I managed to stay together for 13 years before we realized things were about to end, unless we made drastic changes. I felt as if I was in a marathon, out of steam at the 5 Km mark in a 46 Km event. There was…

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Stepping out beyond the guideposts

Stepping out...

There are times – especially while travelling – when I wake up in the blackness of night and, for a few moments anyhow, I have no idea where I am: I don’t know what city I’m in; who’s in bed with me; where I’m sleeping (top of a bunk? on a ship? ). Sometimes I’m not even sure what my life situation is: am I married? Do I have kids? Where do I work? My mind instantly starts reeling to pick up the slightest clue: Oh yeah, I’m married. We’re in Barcelona. I have two kids. These episodes used to…

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Coming out to My Wife – Salon.com article

via Salon.com

After 15 years of marriage, I drove my wife up to a local mountain, parked on the side of the road, and came clean: I’d been fooling around with men behind her back, and after a lifetime of grappling with my sexuality, had come to accept the fact that I am bisexual. “Our marriage is over,” I told her. “At the very least it’s over in the way it used to be – which is a good thing, because I’m not very happy, and I don’t think you are either.” The experimentation had gone on for a couple of years.…

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Mark + Lianna are part of “Sex Talk in the City”!

Mark + Lianna are part of “Sex Talk in the City”!

Mark + Lianna in front of their “Drawer” at the Museum of Vancouver’s new exhibit, Sex Talk in The City. Thanks to @maurice for the photo! Mark + Lianna’s experiences with their open relationship are explored in the exhibit’s Wall of Drawers, where visitors cannot help but feel like a kid snooping in their parents’ room as they make their way along the wall, wondering what kind of secrets await as they furtively peak within. Three quotes from Mark’s play, “Bi, Hung, Fit and Married” are part of the Quote Wall, which greets visitors as they enter the exhibit space,…

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“Which personal pronouns do you prefer?”

“Which personal pronouns do you prefer?”

“Which personal pronouns do you prefer?” I was caught off-guard the first time I was asked that question. I quickly had to remind myself what a personal pronoun was, and then I wondered if I’d missed something. “Ahhh… the usual.” I said with a slight smile, partly out of embarrassment, and partly because it sounded so over-the-top silly! “OK. So he, him, that kind of thing?” the interviewer, a person who identified as “male”, asked me. “Yeah. That’s fine.” Granted I was being interviewed as a potential volunteer for a queer resource centre, but still…. Had things really gone this…

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Commentary: A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy

There has been a lot of talk about the recent article published in “The Atlantic”, entitled “A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy“, by Dan Slater. The article, like society itself, is rife with all kinds of erroneous, half-baked assumptions about monogamy, and relationships in general. “Mate scarcity also plays an important role in people’s relationship decisions. ‘Look, if I lived in Iowa, I’d be married with four children by now,’ says Blatt, a 40‑something bachelor in Manhattan. ‘That’s just how it is.’” Thank you Mr. Blatt. The premise is that online dating makes it so easy…

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Finnish film, “Steam of Life”: simple, powerful, revealing, refreshing

I went to see the Finnish documentary last night, “Steam of Life”. http://www.nordiskfilmogtvfond.com/index.php?ptid=3&sid=92 It was very moving. Men sharing their deepest emotional experiences with other men, or sometimes just the camera, in a sauna. The film is beautifully shot, highlighting the stark Finnish landscape – and apparently the Finnish obsession with saunas. There was an old car in the middle of a field which had been turned into a sauna; a camper trailer; a telephone booth; a tee-pee, and then the standard saunas in houses and backyards. Every city and town seems to have a sauna, and everyone can afford…

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